Hello? It’s dark in here.
Have you tried the switch?
What?
Try turning it on
*click*
Gwynedd wakes up. She’s in the deserted abbey priory chapel, chained to the stone altar with a collar around her neck. Very Princess Leia, sans the skimpy outfit. She pulls on the chain.
“That won’t work,” says the Evil Bastard behind her (of course).
She ignores him. The altar budges a little, so she starts the long work of pulling it towards the blood-smears of symbols on the wall.
Donal, Laurens, and Vivienne have left the dungeon. Laurens heads to his quarters for a nap and is woken by a knock at the door. “Candygram” “Message from the Duke.” He opens the door, crossbow at the ready, and scares the little page to death. “The Duke would like to speak with you.” Ever obedient, Laurens goes as he is bid.
“Resting?” says the Duke, “I’ve been hearing many things, interesting tales, including other accounts of what happened in Byland.”
“I will kill any witnesses refute them if they are different.”
“You have value. I would hate to think you as damage to my rule.”
Laurens protests his innocence (hah). “I’ve done nothing of the sort.”
The Duke leaves it at that. “Those at Mount Grace were attacked. The monks laid a trap. Dark forces are at work. Lead troops there.”
“Who relayed this?”
“It came by way of the Artist’s devices,” says the Duke. “Donal and Vivienne have already gone ahead to Mount Grace.”
“Any losses on either side?”
“The Artist and the wench Bard were captured. Gabriel fought and fled. He had one of the artists drawings, and the others left soon after. The troops are ready.”
Laurens says, “When the time comes, I’d like to discuss the other claims.”
The Duke adds, “There’s no report of Sir Martin or Father Barnabas. I’ve spoken to the Archbishop and he’s sending an agent along.”
Laurens goes down to find he has fourty to fifty light cavalry at his disposal. There’s a stranger among them wearing the colors of the Church, a chain shirt, and a sword. Laurens goes to set friendly tone right off the bat. “I’m Laurens of Rocque, leading this expedition.”
“You go by many names,” says the nameless man.
“Mostly epiphets,” he replies, “What can you bring?”
“Potato salad and advice to the Duke. My name is Biggus Magnus Aquinas.”
“Can you fight?” asks Laurens.
“If I must.”
“What do you know?”
“An infestation of darkness at the priory,” says Aquinas.
“What is the Archbishop’s opinion?” asks Laurens.
“I let the Archbishop decide his own opinions. I am advisor to the Duke, not the Archbishop.”
Laurens warns, “We’re not going there to save souls.”
“I don’t know if there are any to save,” says Aquinas, which makes Laurens smile. They might just get along.
“We ride!”
In the woods by Mount Grace, there are the Witch, Messenger, Artist, and the Moneyman. The time is around nine o’clock, and Thomas is once again sketching. Donal is worrying about his stuff, and mentions the Duke is sending troops. Gabriel is worried they won’t be here until dawn, which may be too late. He proposes to sneak in and scout around while Thomas stands by to contact them.
“They’re hard to kill?” asks Donal.
“You have to remove their heads,” says Gabriel, and Donal isn’t comforted. They’re going to leave Vivienne and Thomas behind. Thomas remarks that if they see his dagger in someone’s hands, not to worry about it. This makes everyone much more relaxed about assaulting innummerable invulnerable monks.
Gwynedd has moved about five feet and has gathered up some flammable things for her own witch burning. Two brothers come in; one is missing an eye. “It’s a terrible thing you’ve done,” she says, “Want to set me free and repent?”
Nah. “It’ll be over soon,” they say. Gwynedd gets back to work, and so do they, writing on the wall with blood.
Sir Martin is in North Allerton. He goes for a walk and talks to the troops. (It worked for Kenneth Branagh). A red moon rises, he gets a headache, so of course he draws his sword.
“Ill omen, sirrah,” says one of the unwashed masses. Back at the inn, he looks around for anything out of sorts, then goes to knock on the door of Richard, Earl of Buckethead. Then he knocks louder.
“What?!”
“The moon is red,” says Sir Martin. This fails to impress Richard, Earl of Sleepless, who says, “We’ll visit there in the morning so Cecily can chide you more.” Still unsettled, Sir Martin goes back to the troops.
Laurens and Gluteus Magnus Aquinas see the red moon. “A good night for killing,” observers Laurens.
Gabriel and Donal sneak up to the monestary in time to see an eight foot long black serpent thing slip over the wall in the deep darkness. They end up running back after it (and to camp). Donal asks if Vivienne can do anything useful about it. “Did it have a mane?” she asks.
Thomas climbs a tree.
Gabriel catches it in time and slices it up. Vivienne says it’s a shadow lion. She made one once (a smaller one), and it accidentally got away. Messy. Gabriel decides it’s better to have Thomas and Vivienne doing their bit from York itself. And they should send back lots of weaponry. Thomas does his magic and they’re back. Unfortunately, the guards aren’t so eager to let the artist get access to the armory for some “mission” that involves the messenger and money changer.
Yep, never send an artist to procure equipment for a spy.
Vivienne just puts them to sleep and ends the discussion. Thomas carries the swords, axes, and daggers through to Gabriel, then goes back to York via the cathedral and finds an inn in town to work. He finishes sketching Vivienne, opens a connection, and tries to step through to her.
Hmmm. Apparently, he didn’t listen when Quillius told him not to draw a sketch of Vivienne. He blacks out.
Hello? It’s dark in here.
Gwynedd is still moving that altar. Father Stephen comes in. “They must care little for you,” he says.
“What have you done?”
“We’re bringing out the demon,” he replies.
She wants to know where all the blood came from. Lots and lots of monks, fresh squeezed, perfect for a demon trap. She warns him that there’ll be a reckoning, which doesn’t perturb him at all. The respective sides get back to work.
Now freshly armed, Gabriel and Donal sneak up to the abbey/priory/house of darkness. They go around to the back and see Gwynedd in chains. And Father Stephen. They sort of expect the worst, and decide this might call for Gwynedd’s big stick. It’s back in the dining room, but they’re a little uneasy about picking it up. Gabriel tells it he’s going to take it to Gwynedd, and picks it up.
It’s freakin’ heavy, but otherwise nothing strange happens. They sneak back to the chapel. Bursting in, Donal throws his axe at the good Father (who catches it without looking – oops), and Gabriel gets the Twig to Gwynedd. Donal charges in anyway and swings. The not-so-good Father jumps back ten feet, catches the next swing, and throws Donal across the room, severely brusing his purse and causing some internal damage, too.
Gwynedd breaks the altar with her stick, freeing herself (but still sporting a long chain). Father Stephen wants to know where the others are. Mayhem ensues. Gwynedd’s chain swinging gets her swung and smacked hard, but she pulls back. The uber-Father is a little off balance, the dynamic duo throw their weapons again, and Gwynedd says a Word that becomes a roar that blows out all the windows. The weapons hit, and the Father goes down, somewhat taken aback at his demise.
Some follow-up beating and beheading ensues. Monks gather outside, so Gwynedd tosses a pew at them, which knocks some over but otherwise doesn’t bother them.
Sir Martin of Headaches knocks on Cecily’s door and gets the handmaiden, who gets her mistress presentable. Sir Martin says he’s heading to Mount Grace because something seems wrong. He heads out on horse.
Shadow lions are prowling about in the dark, there are a lot of monks, and Donal isn’t eager to die heroicly in battle. They start a fire so they can see, but the monks seem fine with a standoff or even an escape. The trio obliges and ride south, encountering the troops riding up from York. They get to meet Aquas Finas Magnus Aquinas, the Archbishop’s advisor, no, wait, the Church’s advisor to the Duke. Gwynedd is still sporting the chained look, which is a little wearing on her horse.
They ride north.
Sir Martin gets to the priory and sees the signs of ruin and mayhem. A fire, broken pews, clear signs of the good guys at work. He steps inside, the doors close, and Father Stephen is there with the Lucifer’s Monk Choir to greet him. Shadow lions come out and dive into him. Everything goes dark....
Hi! Nice meeting you!
... and he starts to change.
Ah, bye!
Outside, the forces of York ride up. Some notice the Earl’s troops in the distance. This can’t possibly end going badly....
Magnus Winas recognizes corrupted Latin chanting, number 8 on last year’s Top 40 Signs of Evil Music Chart. There’s a horse outside wearing a bucket, so they suspect Martin is inside. Gwynedd crosses herself and “opens” the door and tosses what’s left behind her. Gabriel beheads the monk who was expecting a “knock knock” joke.
There’s a sixteen foot tall reptillian demon-thing with horns, red eyes, smoke, a coiled black whip, and a “Cook the Cook” apron. Laurens throws his big two-handed axe at it.
Next episode: Honest, It Was Like This When We Got Here